As if I hadn't said it enough, 2007 can eat a bowl of dicks! Worst year ever. EVER. Seemed like every time I said it couldn't get worse, it did. Not like the start of a new year will necessarily bring about the change just like that, fresh and clean, but if I think it will, it helps a lot. The only good thing I can say about 2007, really, is that it lowered the bar so much for my happiness that every good day tastes like miracles. So bring in 2008 and all of its sunny intentions.
Speaking of sunny intentions, ugh SCHOOL. What was I thinking? Christ. The fall 2007 semester turned out to be an even harder botch than I could have feared. I won't even go into details. Let's just say I probably tacked on another semester at ECC and made it even less likely that I'm a student fit for CSULB. Next semester I will be taking the magazine production class, which is closer to what I'm actually interested in life. I'm only really excited about next semester because it's yet another test of my ability to handle responsibility. I might could drive myself insane this coming semester, with a part-time job in Los Fucking Angeles (more on that in a tic) plus two online classes, which are always hard to tend to for those of us with such severe ADD.
Seriously, I'm tired as fuck of school. So enough about it.
This new job! Ahhh. For all zero of you who care but don't know what I do now, I am one of two assistants to photographer Steven Lam. My job is chiefly to help him sort through thousands of wedding photos (his main non-commercial cash flow) to find the crappy shots, chuck 'em, and clean up the good ones. And by clean up, I mean very minimal photomanipulation mostly involving output curves and occasional saturation editing. I do that and I get him his coffee and dry-cleaning once in a while, which I'm happy to do.
I love every aspect of this job, even the traffic. Though the commute to his studio may wear me someday, it's balanced out quite well by the fact that I can do it on my own time and in my fucking pajamas if I really want to, AND! I get weekends off. And I feel important working there, too -- commuting along the notorious Los Angeles freeway system to a faceless
building of suites and suites of self-important offices. I feel great
walking down Wilshire and entering a building, purposefully stepping
into an elevator with my destination in mind, having a breather on the
roof from which I can see the Hollywood sign. It's not a highfalutin
job, really -- a rung below intern, even -- but it's such a deft change
from the shitholes I've worked in before. I still can't believe I'm getting paid for it. I can't believe people pay people to do what Steven does, really, but those are the interesting jobs to have -- the ones whose functions in society are more difficult to detail or comprehend.
In creative pursuits, I might dabble in photography this year, not to steal the thunder of anyone else in my circle of friends who have a healthy interest or an intent to pursue it professionally. I know I'm already going to find inspiration in Steven, who is living the LA-artists' dream and is kind enough to have taken me under his wing. He's generous with advice and unwittingly quite generous with career guidance. I may as well start saving up for a dope-ass camera, get some practice under my belt, and hope for the best.
Oh, but there is one big thing I'm worried about: my tendency towards self-destructive behavior. I know we all have a little of that inside of us, all of us artist types. We pick up bad habits like quarters on the sidewalk -- eagerly, almost considering them blessings. They torture us, they inspire us, they change our lives. The bad habits I'm trying to kick are, surprisingly enough, not health-related in the least. Those are the ones I don't really mind at the moment, and I commend my parents for keeping their meddling to a very bare minimum.
The bad habits are, of course, procrastination, poor money management, and this very disgusting habit of not sleeping at proper times. The first and second, what else is new? I really ought to make better use of my planner. Ariel swears by the planner, er, plan when it comes to online classes, of which I'm taking two this coming semester. Jot down EVERYTHING and check it FREQUENTLY. Money management, ah, well, when I'm making money that I can manage, then I will manage it. I had a really tragic finance situation in 2007 so any slight improvement is inspiration enough for me to try and treat money with greater care. I haven't yet received my first check from Steven but I can wager all of it that it'll be bigger than my last check from Cold Stone. It's day two of my new year with WaMu and I haven't yet had to waive an overdraft. I ought to keep it up! Ha.
As for the third bad habit, well, take right now, for instance. I somehow reason that it suits my best interests to stay up until nearly 7 a.m. typing in a journal no one reads when I will be getting up for work in about four hours. I can't help it, I had a healthy nap earlier today. I can't seem to get myself to bed. I'm also worried about a pattern I've exhibited in the past week -- being completely and utterly unable to drag myself out of bed before 1 p.m. I'll set my alarm for 11 and snooze it until 1 p.m. or until the barrage of phone calls finally becomes unbearable. A few days I found myself asleep until nearly four in the afternoon. No one lives like that and does well. I can already feel myself getting driven a bit batty by the lack of daylight hours I've been able to catch, and battier still by having to wait for my night-shift friends to be off work in order to hang out with them.
So what now, then? I'm sick of school but I persevere, if not just to appease my parents and social dictates that tell me I need a degree to find my cog in the machine. I'm sick of creative ruts but I'll be out of them soon, I hope. I'm sick of not having any money, and I'll bank on the MTA EZ Pass if I have to, so I can pinch a penny or two this year. I'm looking forward to 2008 and all its fresh starts, lofty promises so far. For once, instead of me waiting for a break, I'm noticing the breaks being given to me, noticing the opportunities as they open wide, and I should stop somehow preventing myself from seizing them.
In short, I'm sick of crapping it up every year and I want to get better about everything and anything.
IN VERY SHORT: SAME SHIT, DIFFERENT YEAR.
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