And now for an evaluation of my personal development in a place more sealed-up than most blogs I write in, one that fully understands the Enid in me.
On top of trying to improve my drawing and actually trying to teach myself bass, there's one big thing I am totally doing that I think is worth mentioning: improving my mystique.
I know, that sounds really really really really gay. But I'm doing it. During this era of oversharing and attention-whoreism being the status quo, wouldn't it be fun? Wouldn't it be refreshing to find, again, people who drive you insane with their secretiveness, despite their being apparently very fascinating?
It's major conceit, I know, to call myself fascinating, but maybe I can give that off to someone. I'm thinking of cutting my hair, of dressing less shlubbily and more impeccably, of wearing funny little accessories that catch the eye, of listening to my iPod and obliviously drawing in a corner between classes. Doing all of this without talking to anyone. I want to see if people will approach me. I'm not just talking boys. I mean girls, too. Ask me where I got my bag. Peek over my shoulder. I don't know, I'm not trying to draw attention to myself but it's high time I be one of those people that a person like myself would notice and go, "Huh, I wonder what her hang-up is. I bet she listens to ______ and likes to _______ on the weekends."
People who want to know, right? Maybe? Or is disconnect and anti-communication the wave of the future? Maybe they'd stalk me on the internet. I don't know. I'd do it.
It's a social experiment, more or less, on myself as well as others. On others, yeah, see if they openly respond, or if they stifle themselves, or if they even bat an eye. On myself, well, I want to see about building my own confidence, reclaiming an identity I had long lost to the simplicity and ubiquity of the shlubby low-maintenance look. Maybe I can return, after all, to the self-aware festooning I used to enjoy in high school -- at least to an extent. Maybe more like when I was in my freshman year of college. Yeah. I'm attempting to manifest my own attitude in fashion, but without the messy fashionista trappings and not limited to the clothing I wear. And I want to do it quietly.
This entry more than any other entry (except maybe the one about being more like Enid) deserves the Enid Tag.
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